Month: November 2020

Fifty Ways To Leave The White House

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Some of us need to hear this song more then others.

The beauty of it is- we can all enjoy it.

amm

The problem is all inside your head, we all agree.
You were voted out so now you’re just a wannabe.
We’d like to doff your ass from public property.
There must be 50 ways to leave the White House.
You know, it’s really not my habit to intrude,
but the oval office ain’t the place for you to sit and brood.
It’s time to just move on beCause you’re redefining rude.
There must be fifty ways to leave the White House.
Fifty ways to leave the White House
What’s admitting that you lost cost?
Grow a pair and backtrack.
Let go of that plot you got.
There’s no foul play.
We can help you look for the door.
That’s what elections are for.
On your very last prey-day
just hit the highway.
So do your little pout flout
and and have a little vaunt flaunt.
It will not a thing bring
however you cling.
Slink away to your coast post.
That’s first and foremost.
This country’s not a king thing
even though it might sting.
You know, it grieves me so to see you cause more pain,
so there was something that we did so it cannot occur again.
And it is not a big surprise we must repeatedly explain
about the fifty ways
We watched you lie and cheat your way
through life for all those years.
And then you used the same approach to play
upon the country’s fears.
But now all that is done.
Can’t you hear the cheers?
There must be fifty ways to leave the White House.
Fifty ways to leave the White House
When that you weren’t picked clicks
Climb over that tall wall.
There’s nowhere to hide.
Biden knows the White House.
Just take a little backpack
or wait for the black jackets
to without a doubt out
both you and your spouse.
This is a required fired.
Get over your deny lie.
You’re about to be long-gone
‘cause your ass got beat.
Got the “didn’t wanna lose blues”
something you can’t refuse.

Written and Performed by Don Caron Executive Producers Sally Headley, Jack Heighway and Jerry Pender

Fandango’s Winner of the Week- Cootie Girl!

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Ding Ding Ding- Winner Of The Week!

Photo by Mike on Pexels.com

Let’s just call her Cootie Girl.

Cootie Girl is one of many adult children in a family that are

Proud Anti-Vaxxers

Proud Anti-Maskers

and need I say, they are hardcore Trump Supporters.

Since March Cootie Girl and her ginormous family invite their friends over on the weekends to ‘support each other’ by getting together and ‘breaking bread and staying positive’

So over Thanksgiving Cootie Girl hung out with her Proud Anti Mask family and their friends and then…

she took a picture of herself delivering meals to the elderly later  while wearing the same mask she wears at work and hangs on her rearview mirror over night because that ‘kills the germs’.

I know this because she hangs out in the breakroom with her co-workers and maskless, Cootie Girl and her fellow Cooters swapped holiday stories with each other and word about what some might think is reckless behavior gets around.

They have told our mutual friends that they are ‘safe’ because they are together all day anyway and there is no way they’re spreading Covid-19.

Of course, Cootie Girl and the Cooters carpool at the end of the day and they don’t wear their masks- you know, the masks they have told each other you only have to let it air out because the germs die overnight if the mask isn’t on  your face.

My winner of this Fandango’s Winner of the Week is Cootie Girl and all of the Cooters who seem to do a better job of spreading a potentialy lethal Virus then common sense.

The Hippo Song

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It’s a fact.

I was a weird and creepy kid.

I used to ask for things for  Christmas that I knew I wasn’t going to get, I did it because I didn’t really care what I got. Like I said I was a weird and creepy kid and I had zero idea about what kids liked or what the popular toys were.

In dog behavior lingo, I didn’t know how to ‘kid’.

I don’t know how this song escaped me because my family liked novelty songs like this one. All I can assume is, they kept it from me on purpose for fear I’d spend the months leading up to Christmas asking for…

A Hippopotamus.

I’d have done it and I would have looked at my pile of presents on Christmas morning and put on my brave soldier face as I obviously forced myself to be enthusiastic over a pile of gifts that were probably pretty cool.

Here it is,  probably the best Christmas song ever.

So sorry I never had the chance to use ya.

amm

 

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don’t want a doll, no dinky tinker Toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don’t think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won’t have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door, that’s the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes
To see my hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegeterian

There’s lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I’d feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage
I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuseses
And hippopotamuses like me too! They like me too!

The First Day of Winter

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Photographer Unknown

The two figures, protected against the bone chilling cold in long dark red woolen hooded jackets trimmed in fluffs of white and gray fur,  were drifting  through the snowy woods in the cold still air of the newly arrived winter.

One  figure  said to the other, ” Just think of this:  something could follow you through the snow, it could follow your tracks and bide it’s time before overtaking you. It wouldn’t matter if you screamed for help.  Nobody is out here on a day when the air is so cold that it will burn it’s way through your mouth and nose and set your lungs on fire.”

The figures stopped and looked at each other. One figure put out a black gloved hand and pushed at the other figure’s shoulder.

A sound passed between them, it was the sound of a brook rushing it’s way downstream during a rain storm.

It was laughter.

The figures turned and looked at the path behind them- there were no footprints, there were no tracks in the snow. There should have been puffs of their frozen breath hanging in the air, but there wasn’t.

” How long has it been since we’ve taken a  breath or left our own tracks in the snow?” one figure asked the other.

” I’m not sure that we ever have.” the second figure answered.

More, laughter. Crackleing, bonechilling, carefree laughter.

The two figures turned back to their path and glided along it without a care in the world.

Winter had arrived and with it came short bright days and woven through it were dark gray heavy threads that stitched the darkness and all of the creatures that live inside of it,  to the light as tight as muscle is attached to bone.

 

RDP Saturday: WEAVES