Que Sera Sera
Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny?


The first case I work at the funeral home all on my lonesome was for a young man ( according to paperwork ) who had died in traffic accident.

I did the paperwork, checked out a removal van, drove to the hospital ( look for the garbage cans I was told, and go through the doors.  That’s where the pathology labs and Morgue is.

And for Godsakes,  I was told, don’t go in through the front doors  And don’t park out front. ( Doi, I remember thinking)

I found him, got him on the gurney, zipped him up and took him to the Van and we drove back to the Funeral Home.

I helped put his face and skull back together.

And then I cleaned him up, dressed him. Fixed his hair and fussed over his tie.

The  Funeral Director who was training me checked said it was good work and told me to get ready to put him in the casket.

It was when I was ready to move him that I really looked at his face. I stopped. I stood back up and went back to his chart and looked for his name.

When I had the chance I went up front and checked the folder that was ready to take in when I met with the family.

I read the names.

It was true.

We were the same age and when we were six  years old he was my very first kiss. I saw him again just after we graduated from High School.

I was in California at a club called The Palace in Hollywood and I turned around and there he was. We chatted until his date showed up. It was a nice talk.

I didn’t seem him again until my first day as a Mortician’s Apprentice.

Was it fate? Was it Destiny?

Was the First Boy I kissed simply destined  to go out one night and forget to click his seatbelt and was he truly destined be thrown out of his car and have his poor mangled face rebuilt by the very first girl he kissed?

Was I really fated on my first day of work as a Mortician to embalm a nice kid who became a nice man and bought me a Sprite at The Palace and remembered on that night between sets how my little sister collected bees in a bag?

I don’t believe that  for a minute

I think when we step out our door we are faced with a million possibilities and we make decisions and from there we narrow the possibilities down to the moment – and for some of us, sometimes in that inexplicable moment,  we find ourselves looking  to the sky and crying out dramatically:

” Was it fate? Was it destiny? I don’t know, but this was magic. THIS WAS MEANT TO BE.”

People have written Epic poems and plays and movies based on that bullpucky.

You made those calls. You decided to turn left or right. You decided to say yes or no. With an entire Universe out there I doubt that any sort of being sat around and said,

” Gee, I think Anita Marie should meet this guy years later on an embalming table. And just for fun, let’s have her cat Frito die on the same day .”

Fate? Destiny?

How could you say we are really living if things are planned out for us? I mean if it’s all planned out why even bother to draw a breath?

 Fate or Destiny makes us slaves to the moment.

To all of our moments.

And in the end if it’s all about Fate and Destiny it wouldn’t matter if we show up to live our lives or not.

What a waste of perfectly good DNA in a Universe full of infinite possibilities that would be.

When Patriots Act

I Pledge Allegiance
Are you patriotic? What does being patriotic mean to you?


Am I Patriotic?

Well, sure.

I believe in the Superman Tag line… Truth, Justice And The American way.

I believe we should all be able to have a say and the chance to be heard and that your fellow American shouldn’t snap flags or placards so loud they drown you out.

I think that when our ” Founding Fathers” risked being executed  for treason they didn’t sit around smoking Pipes while leafing through THE HOLY BIBLE and  casually shooting the breeze in scholarly tones  about  what would make The United States a great place to live.

I think they were hoping they could pull this off and live to tell the tale.  I think they were scared. I’ll bet they wished they didn’t have to go where they felt they had to go.

So sure I am a Patriot.

I want my fellow Americans to be able to say what they have to say without being drowned out, I want them to be able to challenge the system and ideas without being told when they can do it and what they can say … and by the way… threatening people with arrest when they offend your political sensibilities is exactly why a bunch of people put themselves on boats and sailed to the other side of the world and risked their lives to begin with.

So in the that Spirit I am a Patriot because I say so.

I don’t need anybody’s blessing or instruction on how to be a Good American. I do my best everyday to be a good person, to be a credit to my family and community.

But I have to admit (mainly because I don’t want to end this on a rant but would rather end it on a laugh ) when I was old enough to Vote my Mom use to wait for me at the door with my ballot and she made sure I voted. When I was in a rush I would ask who to vote for and she would say, ” Ask you Dad who he is voting for and DO NOT  vote for the same people.”

So God Bless America and Let’s Play Ball.

All of us.

Out Of Service

Community Service
Your entire community — however you define that; your hometown, your neighborhood, your family, your colleagues — is guaranteed to read your blog tomorrow. Write the post you’d like them all to see.


Just before I went to Vegas last month I made up my mind to the fact that unless I really buckled down I wasn’t really going to get back into my writing in any meaningful way.

There were things that had come up that seemed like I should pay attention to- like  the Presidential Elections- what a fucking monumental waste of time that has been.

My time would have been better spent watching Honey Boo Boo marathons on TLC. I mean, we all know Reality TV is not real but we are convinced Campaigns  are.

Campaigns are stories about the candidate and their vision for the Office they seek.  It’s not a lie exactly, but it is a story.

In this case I could have shot a better story out of my nose.

And then for my own special reasons I decided I needed to be polite and patient with people who drove me up the freaking wall, across the ceiling and straight into the ground.

So instead of worrying about why my blog was not being worked on, or my short story collection I wanted  everyone to be happy ( even if they were driving me insane) and if I had to suck rotten eggs to make that happen I would.

My family have always been my strongest supporters and telling them I hadn’t been doing much writing lately was like saying, ‘ I hate to say this, but when I was backing the car out of the driveway I ran over everyone’s dog and cats. I even ran over the fish in Esther’s pond. I don’t know how they all got there but they’re all smooshed.”

Well. I made good on it.

Not about killing my family member’s pets-When I got home I started to write again.

And lo and behold my older neglected blog picked up a bunch of new subrscribers and my stats were pretty healthy for a site I hadn’t worked on for two years.

So now I go to work, I work on notes during lunch. I read books on my break and on the bus to and from work. I come home walk the dog, eat dinner and I write.

My social life is in the toilet and I am so pale I actually started to wear a lot of makeup and long sleeves and jeans, In case you haven’t heard it was in the upper 90’s in Seattle and the State is on fire.

But I’m writing again, and I’m writing in areas I had never worked in before so I’m pretty excited about that.

So I’m pale, so all I do is work, read and write and sometimes I go out and do stuff.

But I think I’m much more careful with my time and how I spend it. I wish I had learned that years ago.

But I’m a writer again and I think that is all that matters.


Wish I May Wish I Might….

Nothin’ But A Good Time
Imagine that tomorrow, all of your duties and obligations evaporate for the day. You get the day all to yourself, to do anything you please. What types of fun activities would make your day?


I love it when people tell me about their nightmares.

I love having them myself and when I have boring dreams where my brain is sorting out the junk that’s been piling up in there I wake up and think, ” that was boring, what a waste of REM sleep. “

So if I had a day to do exactly what I wanted, I would spend my day crawling into people’s skulls and give them the best nightmares EVER.

I would hold nothing back, I’d fill peoples dreams with murderous Aliens from Venus, diseases where your body parts drop off and you spend your dream trying to glue them back on again before  you’re late to class.

I’d make sure to hand out those dreams where the people you know look like and sound and act like  your kid or spouse but then they look at you and smile and you try to scream yourself awake and you think you’re awake but of course you’re not.

Oh and those dreams where something is chasing you?

I’d hand those out like candy, but I’d make sure you get to see what it is that is after you. And I’ll make it super unpleasant. I promise.

Is there anything else I’d like to do on my special day?

Hmmm. No, not really

Oh wait there is one thing.

I’d spend the entire time eating cupcakes.

Pretty ones lavender flavored ones with sprinkles and topped with tons of frosting


Well That’s A Heck Of A Question


In a word: YES.

Yes I would.

I’d be the thing in that wants out of the basement or down from the attic.

I’d scare your cats and dogs and slam the  windows open and shut.

I’d dig up graves and scatter the bones all over your driveway,  I’d turn pictures upside down and come up behind you in the middle of the night just before you can get your key into the lock ( of your house, your car, I don’t care ) and touch you on the back of your neck- I’d draw my finger across it and then I’d give your collar a yank for good measure.

And every time you tried to fall asleep I’d flip the lights on and make them explode in their sockets.

You wouldn’t get a minutes rest.

From what I understand sleep deprivation can lead to insanity.

I should know, I haven’t slept for days now.

I guess I’ll be seeing you soon.

Till then…