The Chair

Maybe, sixteen year old Thomas Gilder thought when his heart slowed down enough for him to think clearly, if I just relax and close my eyes I can figure how I got here and how I can get out because if I got into this I can get out too- that’s logical, or science or something like that right?

His hands, were clammy and sweaty and cold and they grasped the smooth arms of the chair with less force then he realized because he was very close to passing out. He bit his lips to keep from calling for his Mother. She’d be so disappointed in him if she knew where he was. He could not- would not do that to her. He would not call for her like he did when he was a little kid waking up terrified from  the nightmare that he had at least once a week until he was 12 about the clowns that drove around in the mail truck with USPS written in sloppy red letters with a decapitated eagle hanging from the ” U “.

Thomas turned his head and looked at the little window with the pale blue curtain drawn across it that was to his left

and he wondered why the room was painted pale green and why it didn’t really match the curtains in the window and why

he was sitting in this electric chair and how long it was going to be before the Executioner realized he was here .

Thomas looked up at the clock and watched the second hand crawl from one number to the next- not that he could read the clock. Most kids his age can’t but it gave him something to think about and when his thoughts got back on the Tommy Gilder train he made himself remember the walk down here, the instructions, and the RULES.

Maybe that was the key. If he could remember the short walk that brought him here maybe he could avoid the long walk ahead.

What ever he came up with, he had to snap himself out of this nightmare before the face appeared in the little window and saw him.

It was all over for him at that point, wasn’t it? Or maybe it really ended for him when he decided to heck with it and decided to not follow the RULES.

Thomas wasn’t bad kid, well- he knew if he had made a few better life choices he wouldn’t be here waiting for that curtain to be moved to the side and for Hell to rain down on him.

There had to be something he could do, maybe say he was sorry and that he’d never screw off and he’d promise on a stack of bibles to follow THE RULES but before he could put his thoughts into order and choose one of those flimsy options his out of control brain had come up with, the curtain in the small window opened and then the face of the Executioner appeared and it was indeed the face of his doom and a painful molten rain of words did indeed fall down upon him.

” Son of a bitch! Take your kid to work day. What can go wrong they said. You only work for the State. None of the dumbasses that nagged me to do this asked me what I do for the state.”

She took a breath which meant she was nowhere near finished yelling.

“What did I tell you about wandering off? This isn’t  a playground. I work here. I told you what the RULES were. So tell me. How the Hell did you get in there?

Chin to his chest, Thomas held up his Mothers keycard.

” Forget asking me for the car or for the password to WiFi at home which I am changing and NEVER going to give you. Forget ever hoping that I will forget this stunt. Get over to the door NOW.”

Thomas got up from the electric chair, he bowed his head and he walked slowly to the door.

When the door opened and he saw the Executioner- (or as she was known at home ” Mom” ) standing there with how miserable his fate was going to be written all over hear face, he knew his punishment would indeed be a fate worse then death.

Best Werewolf Movie EVER

This is the best, the finest the “GOD I WISH I HAD WRITTEN THIS WHY DIDN’T  I WRITE THIS SWEET BABY JESUS BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST WEREWOLF MOVIE EVER.

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“You had the claws and teeth

plus  you were drunk  so I know it was you:”

I haven’t seen the second movie, but I have it on order, plus Wolfcop is playing hockey so I have some high hopes for the sequel

Family Portrait

Moscoso 2019 Halloween

My Son and Granddaughter

possessed by the

Halloween Spirit.

amm

 

Classes

Maggie Drew started to take classes, all kinds of classes after her world fell apart two years ago.

” Do something to occupy your mind.” Her friend Bernice said, ” That’s really important because at our age  Prince Charming isn’t going to ride up and save you. He’s to busy chasing a twenty year olds and he’s not going to have the time help two little old crones like us stranded at the side the road out.”

Bernice was laughing and tossing her  hair around like one of those girls in a shampoo or Tampon commercial, but Maggie got it. Bernice wasn’t talking about them she was talking about Maggie.

 

Just after September rolled around Bernice invited Maggie out to remind her that anyone who wore Pink during the Fall should be shot  ( yes indeed, pink was Maggie’s favorite color and it is always somewhere on her person ). They  were at a The Pie Stop when Bernice launched into her newest lesson in how Maggie should  present herself to the world and they were sharing something called a Milk Shake Pie. A milk shake pie  is something you got when you crammed a slice of pie into a blender with ice cream and smooshed it all together.

It looked like puke, but Maggie had vowed to jump into trying new things with gusto and she did, every chance she got.

Prince Charming wasn’t going to save her, like Bernice said,  so giving edible vomit a try  while she had all of this free time on her newly defined by Bernice- “old lady hands” didn’t seem like such a bad idea.  She wasn’t considering suicide anymore, but her stomach had a mind of its own.

 

Maggie spent all of her free time at the Community Center- she took sculpting classes and watercolor classes and oil painting classes and she took one on candy making and an entire course of belly dancing.

She even went to a series of lectures on Beekeeping- which if she had to choose turned out to be her favorite.

Bees, she decided would never endanger their hive by running off with another colony they hooked up with on a dating app after 35 years of marriage.

Bees, Maggie decided were pretty trustworthy when you came right down to it.

 

On one of Maggie’s  increasing number forced marches with Bernice down the ruined road of her life, Bernice noticed that Maggie always looked vaguely surprised when Bernice reminded her that her husband had run off and left Maggie an invisible Crone, stranded at the side of the road with the rest of ‘us Crones’

That was ok. Bernice was here to remind her. Because that’s what Crones did for each other. They supported each other, they were each others ‘she-roes’  and Bernice was happy to remind Maggie that is  where she was and belonged  in the grand scheme of life.

 

Maggie of course didn’t see herself as a Crone, but sometimes you had to let things slide- especially if you aren’t in a real position to get a word in edgewise. One should not be defined by other people. She read that in a self help book once- the cover had flowers on it and Maggie still had it on her bookshelf at home.

 

Bernice, oh Bernice, Maggie’s little cloud of bitterness drifted around to Maggie’s end of the street now and then to check up on her and to most importantly to remind Maggie that ‘ at our age’ women need to stick together.

That was  Bernice speak for” I’m going to hang out with you, whether you me to or not.”

Maggie had opted to drive instead off taking her motorcycle out on errands on one of those days that Bernice decided  ” Crones like us ” should stick together.

Bernice hopped into  car right after Maggie started it and the auto locks hadn’t kicked in yet. Bernice slipped her sunglasses down from the top of her head. ” So what’s up for today?”

For a second Bernice’s entire performance in that moment reminded Maggie of one of the men’s shaving cream commercials where a woman was on hand and ready to admire the amazing results of this must have product.

”  I have to pick up some supplies for a project I’m going to start work on. Want to come along?”

It really wasn’t an invitation on Maggie’s part, it was more of an affirmation- she had taken a class on making life affirmations  at that Community Center. They put their affirmations on poster boards in magic markers and decorated them with  glitter and their choice of stickers that the instructor had brought in for them to use.

She found that class to be very helpful in this moment, like what she was affirming in her head at that exact second  was that Bernice was a fixture in her life a and that this unhappy situation could really work out to become a positive experience and an advantage too.

Anyway, what she learned in  her class.

 

The craft store was big and bright and surprisingly  utilitarian for a place where creative people bought their fabrics and glues and wax and needles and chocolate molds and doll eyes.

The downside was that setup  didn’t really invite you stop and chat or browse. The racks and shelves invited you to find what you needed and be on your way.

 

” What class are you taking now?” Bernice pushed her sunglasses up over her forehead and tossed her head around a little and lifted her chin up when she was done.

On cue Maggie asked ” Are those the Dior sunglasses  your sister got you for Christmas?”

After a quick series of lectures on how ‘crones like us”  ( Meaning mostly Maggie) should dress and act and let their hair go gray ( meaning Maggie ) and should accept their invisibility status ( absolutely meaning Maggie because no way  in Hell would Bernice let herself go to seed ) Maggie jumped in.

Could you grab me that package of pins from the shelf over there?”

Bernice held back a smirk. For all of her classes and riding her Harley to work on sunny days, Maggie still needed someone to get stuff off of the to shelf for her.

 Bernice reached for one of the little acrylic boxes offering an assortment of pins ” Oh not those, -” Maggie reached over Bernice’s shoulder and pointed ” those”

Bernice reached up and as she did Maggie bumped into her shoulder.

” Oh sorry.” Maggie moved back and Bernice tossed the pins into the cart.

” So what class are  you taking now?  I think it’s great. Crones like us should share our talents with each other.”

” Actually, I’m not taking a class for this project. I’m sort of brushing up on an old talent of mine.”

Bernice wasn’t listening, of course.

Maggie let Bernice walk ahead of her and she kept her hands behind her back until Bernice turned the corner at the end of the aisle because

in one hand Maggie was holding a tiny pair of scissors and in the other a snippet of Bernice’s hair.

Maggie’s eyes went from dark brown to yellow and back again. Then she took the handle of her shopping cart and pushed it down the aisle to the check out counter.