As a kid I was bullied.

I was bullied a lot and if I did anything to defend myself ( I actually knew how to box by the time I was 8 ) I was the one who ended up in trouble.

There was something about me or inside of me that made kids- and sometimes even adults toss any sense of civility to the wind and they would go ahead and call me names, or make fun of the way I looked or stood or took a breath.

Like, if I showed up with a toy or a jacket that was popular with other kids my age, I got asked, ” What are you trying to prove?”

It took me a bit to realize that I was a mixed race kid growing up in a white suburban city in the early 70’s. In my class of 28  there was one kid that wasn’t white and that kid was me. Diversity was NOT celebrated in my corner of the world.

When I was 12 ( in 74 )  I was five foot five ( I still am ), I had long crazy hair that looked like the style people paid good money for in metal bands in the 80’s- I literally stuck out like a sore thumb

I guess that’s why I always loved the Wolfman. He was a monster, but he was a regular guy who had something inside of him that manifested into something you could see and people hated what they saw.

He was cursed.

But did that stop him from going out and doing what a Wolf does? It did not.

My hero- the Wolfman.

I’ve read a lot of long books- Epic novels or ‘big books’ were a thing for awhile and at that time I was a voracious reader.

Some of those Epic novels were great reads, but others seemed like they were running up the word count. Those Epics  were expensive and carrying them around was a pain.

Anyway  by the time I had read ” The Stand ” by Stephen King ( I was about 14 when it came out )  I had aleady read Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities and  The Brothers Karamazov.

The Brothers Karamazov isn’t an epic sized novel, but it’s not an easy read for a Junior High kid, so it took me a while to get through it.

However, I remember two things about my first read through of ” The Stand. ”

I faintly remember a news story about a woman who was reading The Stand at a bus stop ( or somewhere out in public ) when somebody attacked her. I’m not sure if she hit her attacker with the book, or fought him off but I remember her saying she was in the Zone and when the attack happened she went into fight mode.

The second thing I remember was when I came to the part of the book where Trashie nukes Las Vegas- I was mad. I almost stopped reading The Stand because I’m reading along and on this journey with the characters all the way to when Larry and Ralph are about to be crucified and then a nuclear bomb goes off.

Seriously!!!!

They get nuked? That was the wrap up?

Years later I read that Stephen King ‘nuked’ the first half of The Stand because he had painted himself into a corner ( he didn’t know how to end the book ) and the fact that he didn’t outline his novels made everything worse.

So he nuked the first half of his book. In modern day terms, he deleted Vegas and everyone in it.

To this day, when think about my reaction I can see myself holding the book open and shaking it and yelling, ” hello, story where did you go?”

The Stand is not one of my favorite King books. It’s considered King’s masterpiece but I felt cheated when I read it as a kid and I never got passed that feeling.