Boys don’t fart more then girls- which is bull because I raised three boys and they are Fart factories. I don’t care what science or Google say. It’s also a fact that girl farts smell like posies. I can say that because when girls fart we say so and given that guys seem to like Farts so much they agree. Also, they seem to enjoy it when we toot them out and pretty much give you a standing ovation-
Especially if it’s loud.
People write poems about Farts- but they stink. So I’m not posting them here.
Now here is a song that comes as close to explaining gas in the human body- actually it’s about bacteria but I love this song so I’m going to post it.
Wouldn’t want to hold it- doing that kind of thing can really hurt you.
One of these days we’re going to have to explain this world we’re living in now and this is how I think it will go for me:
” Where did Murder Hornets come from? ” I imagine my Granddaughter asking me one day. ” Did you ever see one? What’s it like to be stung by one? Do they really sound like hummingbirds when they fly?”
” I saw a bunch of them try to carry off one cat and then they carried off another. It was pretty awful. “
” No you did not ” my Granddaughter will say.
” Yes I did. Don’t you ever wonder why you never see any cats around here?”
” I thought it was because you’re allergic”
” Murder Hornets ” I will say darkly.
” Lola,” my Grandaughter will ask me one day ” Was there really a sandstorm that circled the world? Did it really start in the Sahara Desert? Did it really dump sand in Texas? Did you see that? Did it dump sand in Washington too?
My Grandaughter, whose name is Jemma will roll her eyes up into her head. ” Lola that is the biggest pile of baloney you’ve ever stacked. “
” It’s true. Ask the internet-“
” Internet ” Jemma will snort ” Nobody calls it that Lola.”
” Okay, I’ll tell you the truth. It was a curse. One day someone in the Cairo Museum accidently damaged a mummy and the next thing you know…womp. What can I say, one of those Curses was bound to be real and it was bound to pay off and boy did it.”
Jemma will look at me and say, ” I knew it.”
And then one day Jemma will ask me about the Virus that swept the world when she was two years old and she will ask me if I had it and did I know anyone who died and what was it like to not be able to go to the movies or to concerts or parties and what did we do all day?
I will remember the times that I rode the train with “Fever Boy.” he was the guy who coughed and hacked and sneezed and finally he started to wear a mask- but he only wore it when he was waiting for the train. He took it off when he got on.
And then there was Crazy Cooter- he was the guy who only wore his mask over his mouth and when he was reading he would flip it on the top of his head, the way you do with your glasses when you don’t need them. Anyway, he would read quietly, out loud to himself.
He used to sneeze a lot.
The streets and trains were full of people like Fever Boy and Crazy Cooter. They made a lot of people sick. Lots and lots of people. It should have been a crime.
” Well, when we were under stay at home orders I started a new hobby.”
” What was your new hobby?”
” Head hunting. “
” Oh Lola! ” Jemma will laugh. ” That’s so silly. Everyone knows you didn’t head hunt.’
My Son will join in at this point, ” Come on Mom. Tell her the truth. You didn’t hunt for heads.”
I will look down modestly and then I will admit, ” I took up sewing again so I made-“
” Masks?” Jeamma will guess.
” Voodoo dolls. ” I will tell her.
” Best dang Voodoo Dolls in the entire state of Washington.” My son will say proudly. ” Those things really worked. But that was at the end of the pandemic when you started to make them, right?” my Son will say with a wink over his daughter’s head.
” Yeah. At the end” I will tell her.
And my son will try to laugh so that Jemma will know we we’re only kidding around.
He rides my train with three other guys from the construction crew he works with and when he does the air around us is filled with the sounds of his voice- and his voice alone.
He hasn’t a clue or he doesn’t care that when he spouts off his co-workers really never add to what he’s saying, or he doesn’t care.
Like, during the protests he was telling everyone what kind of guns he was going to put into his car, ‘ just in case he had to defend himself’.
He brags what a nice car he has and how his girlfriend has not so reliable car and that when she asked for a ride to work, he told her to call for a Lyft or a cab.
He wasn’t going to let her, ‘ mooch off of him ‘. he loudly and proudly announced.
That was the only time I ever heard the guys with him expand on what he said. One said if his wife wanted a car, he’d get her one.
The other guy said Mr Motormouth was an asshole and the third guy pretended to be asleep.
So what a big surprise, Mr. Motormouth who is required to wear a mask at work has decided anyone who wears one out in public or as required by ordinances are ignorant of the law.
Yesterday he told everyone ( he was out of the 10 people in my car, one of the three not wearing a mask ) that the Governor’s law was illegal because it discriminated against people who didn’t wear masks.
Plus he said, it’s not enforceable.
So ha ha on everyone wearing a mask.
He said over and over again, the Governor can’t make or enforce laws that discriminate against people. Plus, there are people with health conditions that will suffocate and die if they wear a mask and what about them?
Patriot,Legal Scholar, defender of people with disabilities- shooting his big mouth off and spraying his germs all over everyone sitting around him, or walking by him.
I wonder if he would wear a mask if we told him he could make everyone in the car sick and then who would he have to Motor his Mouth off at for 40 minutes a day?
If you have asthma, you should wear a disposable mask when in public areas to help limit COVID-19 exposure.
Current guidance from the CDC says that commercially-available masks – like N-95s and surgical masks – should be reserved for people who are already sick and healthcare workers that interact with those patients.
But up to one in four individuals infected with COVID-19 might have no symptoms or very mild symptoms, and may be unknowingly spreading the virus. The use of a cloth face covering – whether that is a handmade cloth mask, bandana or scarf – can help slow the spread of COVID-19. These types of masks are not intended to protect the wearer, but to protect against the unintended transmission – in case you are an asymptomatic carrier of the coronavirus. If you have respiratory symptoms (e.g., fever, sneezing, cough, shortness of breath), you should stay home unless directed by your healthcare provider to see medical care and then you should wear a mask to prevent spreading your droplets to others.
MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. (WCBD) – There are many myths about masks and it is safer to understand what types of masks are okay for your safety.
The Director of Critical Care at Grand Strand Health says that cloth masks are adequate and recommended for the general public to use.
There has been speculation that wearing one can make you sick by breathing freshly exhaled carbon dioxide.
“It’s just not really the case,” said Dr. Thad Golden, Director of Critical Care at Grand Strand Health. “In other words it doesn’t restrict your breathing enough to create a problem for most people. For the general population the take home message is they are safe to use and important to use especially now during this flare.”
Dr. Golden says that people with severe respiratory illnesses may have trouble breathing with a mask on and should speak with their doctor.