I believe that when the year ends- and yes it IS just a date on the calendar we can use that date to draw a line in the sand.
Today is a new day and we can start the New Year a fresh while saying goodbye to the old year.
In celebrating that, I would like to be the following gift and I would like to give myself to every son of a bitch who brought a second of pain or despair to my life over 2015.
I truly want to gift anyone whom I had to shut up for when they spewed a bunch of babble I don’t agree with because I’m polite and don’t see any reason to challenge your belief system.
I want to give something special to my acquaintances who buried me in lame psycho babble and one-sided conversations where I couldn’t get a word in edgewise because what was being said AT me was far more profound than anything I could ever come up with in my own head.
I know. Strange right? To give a gift to people like that?
Hey God does it all the time.
It’s called a smite…or is it smote.
Anyway, I got the idea from him.
So here it is:
I would like to be a hideous black eye.
I would like to show up on some faces on Christmas Eve and sit there festering away until New Year’s Day.
That way we could spend some quality time discussing how we can both be better people and become a credit to the human race.
I’m just kidding about that part.
No, I just want to sit on someone’s eye and look awful and make people stare and wonder what the Hell is wrong with you- which is something I should have said a few times but didn’t.
Being a vicious black eye is my way of making up for that.
I know, this is a heck of a thing to say on Christmas Eve.
But it IS Christmas Eve.
I want to give something heartfelt and this is it.
A black eye.
A scary black eye that talks to you and burrows its way into your brain and talks and talks and talks and never shuts the heck up.
Trust me. You’ll live through it.
The rest of you get gift cards, candy and hugs.