I really did try to make the best of the Christmas holidays.
I decorated, I cooked, I sent out cards and listened to hours of Christmas music. I refused to let myself get sucked into the gloom that hung over the festivities like a noxious cloud.
I even tried to write Christmas stories- to be fair I’ve never been able to pull that off but at least I tried, again.
My efforts weren’t exactly a roaring success. The only upside is I didn’t eat a lot and I didn’t step foot into a Mall once. So, hoozah for me.
Now Christmas is over and on one hand I’m relived because I wore myself out trying to keep a stiff upper lip and I’m exhausted. On the other hand I’m sad because there is no going back and changing what a wash out the holidays were and time is to precious to fritter away.
I suppose I could try to make an effort to make an occasion out of New Years Eve-after all if there was ever a time to see the year out in a big way- then this is the year to do exactly that.
So to sum it up, Christmas was a bust but New Years Eve is on it’s way so let’s try to give the Season one last try.
I am home today, celebrating ( yes I am using that word ) Christmas Eve.
I thought it would be fun to see what Christmas Movies and Shows my Smart TV had found for me to watch (it really does that ) and these were it’s offerings to me:
Christmas movies where really attractive big city Millenials find true love in a small town and it starts to snow, a Golden Retriever is there- if it’s not a real dog it’s a tree ornament that the camera zooms in on when a scene opens or closes.
Christmas stories where big city Boomers find love again ( after being tragically widowed or recently divorced ) of course it’s snowing and not just one but two Golden Retrievers are bouncing merrily along a country road or they are curled up in front of the fireplace with a cat.
And there is a smattering of movies where big city diverse families gather in lodge in a small town for Christmas AND New Years and misuderstandings about issues from 10-20 years ago are magically resolved while it snows and a Golden Retriever in a sweater barks merrily from a Christmas card perfect front yard and a cat is curled up in front of the fire with the person who brought everyone together.
That person is usually the one who created all of the problems in the first place, it’s Christmas so of course now they are nice and wise and will be remembered as the family treasure.
There. That is it.
Guess what, those movies are going to hit the dead zone around New Years.
You know what movies have not hit the holiday movie graveyard?
The one where we are waiting for a kid who wants a BB gun from Santa to shoot his eye out ( spoiler he almost DOES )
The one where a creepy Dad who pervs out at a lingerie counter while Christmas shopping WITH HIS SON and throughout he movie he and his creepy Brother in Law commit assault and break a half dozen laws have a Merry Christmas, showing that most bad deeds go rewarded.
There is also the one where a man is about to committ suicide and a couple of angels decide to send the lowest performing angel to stop him- like it was an after thought or something. ” Save him if you can, but you know-whatever”
And the Granddaddy of them all
The one where three ghosts literally scare the Hell out of a man and replace it with the holiday spirit but not before we visit a graveyard and an entire collection off lives that this man destroyed every single day of his adult life.
My Smart TV recommended these three movies too but the ads for these movies didn’t have glittery bows and ribbons wrapped around them.
My Smart TV is okay, but it’s not that smart- is it?
This is a very short story about a man named Leo and his best friend Marvin and what happened to them on Christmas Eve, four years ago when they were cutting across the field to the Sollie Farm for the Sollie’s annual Christmas Party.
They could have driven over, but they had spent a few hours at Marvin’s house drinking Marvin’s homemade beer and then they had gone to Leo’s and smoked Leo’s homegrown- um, tobacco. Sure, we can just go ahead and call it Tobacco.
Anyway. They were in no shape to drive and instead of asking one of their many friends who were headed over to the Sollie’s for a ride, they decided to walk it and halfway across the snow covered field they came across an eight foot tall, fully decorated Christmas tree.
It was decorated with glass ornaments of all sorts of shapes and sizes- there were bells and trees, snowflakes and birds and they all twinkled like stars in the sky.
The tree was lit with white and silver candles that were glowing, but the flames pulsing at the tops and around the candles weren’t really yellow or white, they were a light icy shade of blue.
” Did you put that up? ” Marvin asked Leo.
” No. Man. Really? Me? “Leo laughed.
” How about your Mom, could she have put that up? ”
” My Mom still uses the same aluminum tree her Great Aunt gave her. She wouldn’t know how to decorate a real tree. She probbly couldn’t even decorate a fake one with the decorations already stuck to them.
” Yeah. Her tree is pretty damn ugly. Plus it smells funny. ”
” Drop dead. ” Leo told Marvin.
They walked up to the tree, they got close to the tree. Marvin reached out with one gloved finger and poked at one of the ornaments. ” It’s made from ice. Check it out.”
Leo put out his hand and then he said, ” My Grandma used to tell me this story about these cannibal witches that used to set up these campfires at the side of the road and -”
” What, they ate you? ”
” That’s what cannibals do, dimwit. Anyway. These travelers used to tell each other never to leave the road and never go near the campfire, especially when the flames started to turn blue no matter how cold and lost you were, or the witches would get you. That was how you knew they were close. The fire froze and turned blue.
They watched the blue flames on top of candles pop and hiss and spark. They couldn’t have looked away if they wanted to, let alone run for it.
Leo asked Marvin, ” we’re screwed aren’t we? ”
Marvin put his hand to the back of his neck because the hairs on it were standing up and he was so cold, colder then he ever had been in his life.