Watch This

“Christmas Jewels” by artist Sarah Sedwick.

I am home today, celebrating ( yes I am using that word ) Christmas Eve.

I thought it would be fun to see what Christmas Movies and Shows my Smart TV had found for me to watch (it really does that ) and these were it’s offerings to me:

Christmas movies where really attractive big city  Millenials find true love in a small town and it starts to snow, a Golden Retriever is there- if it’s not a real dog it’s a tree ornament that the camera zooms in on when a scene opens or closes.

Christmas stories where big city Boomers find love again ( after being tragically widowed or recently divorced ) of course it’s snowing and not just one but two Golden Retrievers are bouncing merrily along a country road or they are curled up in  front of the fireplace with a cat.

And there is a smattering of movies where  big city diverse families gather in lodge in a small town for Christmas AND New Years and misuderstandings about issues from 10-20 years ago are magically resolved while it snows and a Golden Retriever in a sweater barks merrily from a Christmas card perfect front yard  and a cat is curled up in front of the fire with the person who brought everyone together.

That person is usually the one who created all of the problems in the first place, it’s Christmas so of course now they are nice and wise and will be remembered as the family treasure.

There. That is it.

Guess what, those movies are going to hit the dead zone around New Years.

You know what movies have not hit the holiday movie graveyard?

The one where we are waiting for a kid who wants a BB gun from Santa to shoot his eye out ( spoiler he almost DOES )

The one where a creepy Dad who pervs out at a lingerie counter while Christmas shopping WITH HIS SON and throughout  he movie he and his creepy Brother in Law commit assault and break a half dozen laws have a Merry Christmas, showing that most bad deeds go rewarded.

There is also the one where a man is about to committ suicide and a couple of angels decide to send the lowest performing angel to stop him- like it was an after thought or something. ” Save him if you can, but you know-whatever”

And the Granddaddy of them all

The one where three ghosts literally scare the Hell  out of a man and replace it with the holiday spirit but not before we visit a graveyard and an entire collection off lives that this man destroyed every single day of his adult life.

My Smart TV recommended these three movies too but the ads for these movies didn’t have glittery bows and ribbons wrapped around them.

My Smart TV is okay, but it’s not that smart- is it?

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