I look for clarity when I look up because sometimes when I do I see something new, something that makes me think and wonder without being concerned with where my mind wanders to.
I think that’s the way my dog feels when I let him off of his leash and let him run:
Photo: A.M Moscoso
I can’t draw and what I do when I scratch something out can only described as one of Victor Frankenstein’s failed experiments ( can you imagine what THOSE would have looked like in the real world, let alone in a story?).
But I have always wanted to be an artist, to be able to draw. So when color books came into fashion again and adults got back into it I jumped on that bandwagon and happily bought pencils, gel pens and a ton of color books.
Because in visual art there is a clarity, you see what’s there but you can see so much more and for that one project, in that moment you can share it.
colored by a.m. moscoso
colored by a.m. moscoso
Sometimes clarity hits you at odd times- one morning I came into work and two men had been shot and killed just up the street, where I would normally get off of the bus. A few days earlier I had just got off the bus when a car drove by and someone threw a bottle out of a moving car and the bottle broke on the wall behind me.
Homeless people put tents up their tents up near the bus stop over night. They had the same reaction I did when the bottle exploded against the wall, they ignored it and I kept walking and they kept taking their tents down for the day.
On the day of the shooting, I went outside and looked up the street where the road was still taped off and the police were parked.
It was a beautiful sunny day, you’d never have guessed that two people had met tragic ends on under that bright morning sky.
I didn’t go back outside until I left work. I spent a lot of time that day thinking about death and blue skies and how, in a strange way they seem to belong together.
Photo: A.M MOSCOSO
I believe in moments of clarity.
And then I believe we let go of that moment and instead of falling through life we fly.
If we are lucky that moment of flight is so freeing that we look for and leave ourselves open for that next moment- no matter what form it takes.
This morning I was outside, walking in the bright spring sunshine and it came to me-an epiphany- it didn’t hit me like a lightening bolt or a runaway freight train- it brushed against my cheek like a sunbeam.
From now on I’m only going to write about the beauty in life.
I’m going to workshop and wine and cheese my way into being a woman who writes about women’s issues, I’m going to write poetry and stories about the female experience, after all I’m a woman and shouldn’t I be writing about THAT?
And in the true spirit of sisterhood I’m not going to make fun of female folk singers or Geogia O’keeffe paintings anymore.
I’m going to wear earth tone colors and learn to be one with myself and to celebrate the female experience and
oh my God I am SO going to go to Hell for this post.
I have never in my life sat down and written so many lies-
I swear, I can hear Baby Jesus crying right now.
Do you think I’ll be forgiven if I say it was all an April Fools Joke?
If you find a burnt spot on the ground in front of my laptop I guess we’ll know the answer.
Until then, I’m going to cleanse my brain with alcohol and cupcakes.