Every year Satan gets thousands of letter from children who have promised him that they’ve been good, that they have been obedient, that they have done their homework and not picked on their brother or sister and they never, not once forgot to feed their dog.
They swore on a stack of candy canes that every word they have written is true.
Satan raises each letter to his face and sniffs it. Sometimes he takes a little taste and when he’s done he always- and I do mean he always knows the truth.
Every year Satan get’s thousands of letters from boys and girls and true believers who swear on a stack of candy canes that every word they have written is the honest to goodness truth.
Satan isn’t like Santa, he doesn’t cut a single soul a single break- unlike Santa who always comes through because he knows that in their hearts his letter writers do try to be good-
and this is why after Satan reads those letters he drops them into one of the bajillions of fire pits in Hell and lets them burn and doesn’t forward them to Santa-
he burns those letters ( himself ) because is anyone loves to make a little Merry now and then it’s the Devil himself- but that his secret and his secret alone.