A few weeks ago I saw my laptop and notebooks sitting on my worktable looking sad and neglected and I felt awful-it felt exactly like that time I let my Venus Flytrap starve to death.
I had this great Venus Flytrap sitting in great spot and I forgot to pay attention to it. One day I looked at it and it was dead.
I couldn’t tell you if I noticed it go from a nice shade of green to pale green to brown around the edges.
All I know is that it did and it was too late to save it and I felt I had put my hands around it’s neck and killed it.
My poor little plant counted on me, it thrived under my care and then I ignored it and it died.
I felt the same way about my writing projects.
I felt horrible. I felt terrible.
Bursting with guilt brought on by my memory of my plant killing days, I took my laptop, my notes and jammed them into my backpack and put the works behind my door.
I grew up with this story about Spirits and Ghosts hiding behind doors- so guess who started to have nightmares about doors slamming shut and getting her fingers cut off? Guess who had dreams about keys crawling up and down her arms and woke up scratching her arms like crazy?
So after weeks- weeks I tell you of having dreams about doors and keys trying to kill me I started to leave doors all over my house open and that’s when I found my neglected laptop and notes hanging from the back a door to a room that we don’t use anymore.
So why risk letting my own Nightmares eat away at my waking world and not in the happy productive way they usually do?
My creative hands have been tied.
And I’m angry about it- mostly I’m angry at myself.
In the age of social media- when most of us can pick up our phones and spew big ugly chunks out into the Universe I’ve decided to keep my monsters and demons, my devils to myself.
I had my reasons, and I’ve decided that those reasons were a bad idea.
Why rip out my own tongue and nail it to the wall when others are perfectly willing to do it for me?
And the beauty of it is, if I look at it that way-
nobody can sew body parts back together like this girl can.
The world is full of monstrous people saying and doing monstrous things to people they know! What they are willing to do people they don’t know will make your brain boil in your skull.
How could I not draw inspiration from that? Why not bring those twisted creatures to my blog and in my own way celebrate them?
Buckle up you all, we are in for some fun.