The Dark Heart Adventures


Over the last few years, I am sorry to say that my heart is a little darker then it used to be- and not in the Halloween-ish  good way.

I think that when you realize it is you and only you ( well, in my case I have the most awesome dog EVER so I’m not exactly ALL alone ) navigating through a world that both humans and disease are trying to burn to the ground you get a little callous.

Most of the time I feel like Bill Murray’s character in Ghostbusters,  Peter Venkman, when his is all alone in the hallway at the hotel and he meets up with Slimmer.  Other times I feel  Danny Torrence  when meets the twins in the hallway at the Overlook and they invite him to come play with them.

You know, it’s like you know you’re screwed and you have absolutely no options except to maybe scream.

Or you just grit your teeth and you hope whatever happens next doesn’t hurt to much.

Last week I went to Wisconsin to spend time with Granddaughter.

As a pre-birthday celebration my Son and Daughter-In-Law bought tickets to Disney On Ice and I guess I don’t have to say that Jemma was out of her mind with excitement. She is into the entire Disney Princess experience.  I guess I should point out that I was excited to because this was as close to anything Disney I had ever been- and I love Disney movies.

We were going to hit Chuck E Cheeses, then check into a hotel and then spend time at the indoor pool- which also featured a water park.

However, before we hit Green Bay we had to stop at Jemma’s Doctor to have the tubes in her ears checked. All he was going to do was take a look, but Jemma didn’t care.

When we pulled up to the Clinic she said, ” Is this the hotel? ” and of course she knew it wasn’t but she’s three and when your that little reality is flexible.

Her little heart just broke and and when I looked at her face these tears just worked their way from behind my eyes and tried to storm my eyelids and make their way down my face.

I think I pretended to sneeze so I could wipe them away.

We told her the Doctor was just going to look into her ears and then we were going to drive away and have fun.

Jemma was in the Doctor’s office for 15 minutes and then she was  back in the car but she was still crying.

” Hey Jemmma, ” I said ” are you done? Can we go eat eat pizza and then go to the waterpark and then to Disney On Ice? ”

She wiped her tears away and asked her parents, ” are we going now? ”

They assured her we were leaving and that she had done a great job in the Doctor’s Office.

” Lola!” she said, ” we’re going the hotel and then we’re going to see Disney on Ice!”

” No WAY!  ” I said, ” now? We’re going now???” I said coming close to sharing her gusto and enthusiasm for what was going to happen next.

She reached over and grabbed my hand and she smiled- and when I saw that smile my heart, of which I don’t think feels much nowadays felt a lot.

” Yes NOW!”

My heart bumped inside of my chest- I suppose to let me know it was there- and what can I say? I was sort of glad it got a chance to know what it feels  like to have a normal  heart again.

Do you know what?

I could get used to that.

Jemma at Disney On Ice
Green Bay WI
Photo A.M. Moscoso