Holidays are no fun unless you can have fun WITH them.
I used to throw myself, face first into every single holiday on the calendar.
I had fun planning the day, cooking, decorating trying new things.
And then a few years ago I suffered from a severe bout of depression that involved medication, therapy and the soul crunching reconstruction of the person I thought I was.
On one of those less then stellar evenings during that time, one of my now former friends and I went out for a bite and on the way back ( she was driving ) she flipped on the radio to a station that played non stop Christmas Carols and drove through one of the local neighborhoods where everyone on the street decorated their houses with lights and robot reindeer galore and demonic elves tossing presents down chimneys.
I was trying to tell her I wasn’t enjoying this ride- but she babbled on and on about each and every house we passed and just before I was about to punch her in the face she snapped the radio off and trilled, ” wasn’t that great?”
” No.” I said. ” I think it all looks cheap and nasty.”
” Oh you Scrooge.” and she babbled on and on about how much she loved it all.
So I wondered, as I watched the cluelessness spread before me like fake snow, when I used to throw myself into the Holidays how many people wanted to punch me in the face? Above it all, why did I bother?
My poor brain just broke that evening.
I understand now that pulling away from things that enjoyed was a symptom of the illness that I was struggling with and am now starting to get my arms around.
I took it a step at a time and got myself back to writing and creating and reading, I took care of my health, planned daily goals and as sappy as it sounds made sure I laughed everyday.
I still haven’t got back to the point were I enjoy the holidays the way I used too, but I’m working on it.
This year I bought Easter candy, I bought myself a new dress to wear and I’m thinking I might buy some bunny ears for my dog to wear ( He’s a Labrador which makes him a hunting dog- so you know, dress him up like a bunny hahahaha ).
Who knows, maybe I’m on the way back to celebrating the holidays again.
I have missed them- and maybe they’ve missed me too.