If you haven’t seen this video or heard this version of the Monster Mash- then you need to because it’s the Halloween song we all need right now.
Ok, to be honest I’m not positive about that but it’s a good pitch line so I thought I’d toss it out there.
FYI: There’s a big difference between kooky monsters and psychotic killers.
You remember in the 60s when I invented the mash?
Well, now the time has come for me to update that smash
Since I’ve been out of the fright game for 52 odd years
I invited a new crew to spread spooky cheer
The first to arrive was Dr. Hannibal Lecter
He brought his own date and he seemed to respect her
They hit the dance floor with a jive and a jitter
Then he, he ripped off her face! He’s pulling out her liver!
[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Boris & Mark Douglas as Jigsaw]
(That’s really gross) oh my god! What just happened?
(He ate her face) yes I know, I saw!
(Speaking of Saw) I like to play disgusting games
(He broke his jaw) that is way too graphic, I’m going to faint
Surely all the other guests won’t be this rude
Like this classic monster: a scary, hip dude
He’s got a kooky style and a spooktastic look
Oh my god! He just hung the waiter on a meat hook
(He’s Leatherface) he’s cutting him up with a chainsaw
(It’s what he does) who is Freddy Krueger?
(He haunts your dreams) ooh, he sounds like a real spooker
(I murder teens) you can’t escape me, bitch
In my day, the monsters would just give you a spook
Nowadays it seems they all just want to make you puke
Ah, The Human Centipede, that sounds like a hit
Wait, the ones in back have to eat the front one’s shit
Enough! The party’s over, everybody out
You all have no idea what Spooktober is about
Here comes the Wolfman, he’ll show you how it’s done
He knows how to be creepy but he always keeps it fun
[Verse 4: Mark Douglas as Boris, Mark Douglas as Jigsaw, Mike Birch as Hannibal Lecter & Todd Womack as Leatherface]
Nooooo, that was my friend
Why did he meet such a horrifying end?
Is it too much to ask to have some monsters dance?
It’s really quite a hoot if you give it half a chance
This guy won’t let it go, I think it’s rather sad
Guys, I feel guilty. And I also feel bad
Let’s give him a couple moves, it’s the least we can do
Okay, places everybody. And a one, and a two
[Chorus: Mark Douglas as Boris & Todd Womack as Leatherface]
(Look at us dance) you did the monster dance?
(Hey look, jazz hands) don’t twist too fast
(Our skulls are smashed) ah great, it’s the girl from The Ring
(Her heart is black) ooo, she really knows how to swing
[Outro: Mark Douglas as Jigsaw & Todd Womack as Leatherface]
I wouldn’t look directly at her face if I were you
Oh well, we tried
He died doing what he loved
Hey guys, I know a game we can play
Guys? Anyone? No?