William Frederick Yeames, A Visit to the Haunted Chamber; 1869

If I had to pick a job to do for just one day I would chose to be a  Paranormal Investigator.

That’s right I would love to be a Ghost Hunter.

I would love to wear the cool black t-shirt with my crew’s names stamped across my chest in white letters ( all the better to find me in the dark if something goes wrong I guess) and have my unruly hair pulled back into a pony tail where it would look slick and neat, like Laura Croft’s pony tail.

Good thing no Evil Spirits or even curious one would think to grab you by your pony tail and drag you through a doorway- am I right?

I want to walk through haunted houses and murder scenes and demand at the tops of my lungs for the spirits to appear and tell me their stories because I am here to tell you that when I ask nicely I get bupkis.

On this day I would score big time.

After flicking a tiger in the love tackle with a big stick in what is turning out to be a real haunted house, I would stand in front of a door  ( sensibly shut as Shirley Jackson would say ) in a creepy hallway with flaking paint or water stained wall paper and remind everyone watching me on their phones or TV’s that I’m not convinced this is a haunted house- yet.

And if I am super duper lucky on that day when I’m doing that dream job the door would creek slowly open behind me something would pull me backwards by my pony tail  and then the door shut with a deafening bang.

Photographer Unknown

On that one day where I  was working my dream job, I would become an Urban Legend and people would try to make movies and tell stories about me, but the people who did would always pay some weird price-

and I would have a front row seat to that show over and over again.