Snap! Crackle! Pop!

These Horns Were Made for Tooting

Today, share something you love about yourself  — don’t be shy, be confident! — but that few other people know about you or get to see very often.


You would never guess it by the crap  I eat now, but back in my child rearing days I was a pretty good cook

I loved to dice, chop, slice and saute.

And most of what I cooked or baked I worked on from scratch.

But I did, after awhile start to have trouble at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

For those holidays I made turkey- never ham. My dad did a great ham and unless I could turn something out that tasted as half as good I didn’t bother.

Here’s when the trouble started.

When I went to work in the Funeral Home, you could not rattle my cage. I could do reconstructions or an embalming for hours at a time. After spending most of the day working with death and corpses I eventually would look up at the clock and when lunch time rolled around I’d finish up, grab a car and race down to one of the three nearby burger joints.

I could eat like a horse after doing that work.

But…yes the mighty BUT one Thanksgiving I was cleaning the turkey- I reached into the cavity and my stomach clenched up and I almost barfed all over the bird.

I pulled my hand out and took a breath.

I thought I was coming down with the flu- which figured I always got sick around the holidays.

After I got myself together I tried again and this time I did puke- I made it to the sink and I heaved so loud I think I ruined my kid’s and husband’s appetites for the rest of the holidays.

We got the bird cleaned and stuffed and I felt fine for the rest of the day.

That is until Christmas rolled around and the same thing happened- and over the years I got somebody else to clean out the bird and stuff it because the thought of putting my hand into that carcass turns my gut.

I could embalm, I could do reconstructions I could treat the dead no matter what condition they were in with care and dignity.

But to this day I cannot stand to put my hand in a turkey.

Something in me broke and I guess it’s going to stay that way.

Because I am







It’s All Fun And Games Until…

The Fun Platform

If you were the new leader of your country and had the chance to transform something that’s currently an annoyance (or worse) into a very fun activity, what would it be? How would you go about the change, and why would you choose that particular thing?


If I could change one thing, I’d make Election Season fun.

I’d go back to putting voting booths in Saloons- so I guess that means Hooters.

Or better yet Crispy Kremes.

And instead of debates, I’d have the candidates play darts  and do that race where you run with an egg on a spoon because from what I’ve seen that’s what it’s going to feel like they’re doing 99.9% of the time anyway.

Oh and if people start acting nasty to their friends or candidate shaming people who are running for office, I’d make them spend a week living as a homeless person.

I’m not sure why exactly, though I think it has something to do with learning what it’s liked to be shamed for just existing or not ‘acting right’.

Best of all, if you vote I’d give you more then a sticker.

I’d give out gift certificates for Pizza.

That’s right.

You vote and the machine spits out a coupon for a free pizza.

Sounds like fun doesn’t it?

The thing of it is,

If I were REALLY made leader of my own country there wouldn’t be elections and I sure as Hell wouldn’t give out free  pizza.

So cherish and protect what you have.

Respect it.

I could be in charge.

 And I’d treat my dog and cats better then you.

Count on it.