Just A Taste…

Humble Pie

Tell us about a time you found out after the fact that you’d been mistaken and you had to eat a serving of humble pie.

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Hmmm, how do I answer this…when the last time I ate Humble Pie or had it very nearly  rammed down my throat with a backhoe?

I have chosen to live a life where being right is ALL THAT MATTERS, WINNING ALWAYS MATTERS, IF YOU ARE WRONG THEN DIE! DIE! DIE!

There is no coming back from being wrong  in the Universe I live in.

Pronounce a word wrong…nose slap, wear the wrong color, shame on you! Support the wrong candidate- OMG if you lose  you have to show up on your knees on election night and apologize for being such an idiot for NOT SEEING THE LIGHT.

So when do I not eat Humble Pie?

When I’m right.

When am I right?

Hardly ever.

Do I ‘fess up?

Well….

When you are surrounded by people who need to be right at all costs and you will never win  and frankly it doesn’t really matter anymore  so you spend a lot of your time smooshed on the road to Self Righteous and Smug all you can do two things:

Laugh.

Or Laugh Hysterically.

I’ll be damned if I eat anything I don’t want to.

So when was the last time I ate Humble Pie?

I fucking don’t.

Aren’t I The Lucky One?

The Luckiest People

Who was the first person you encountered today? Write about him or her.

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I don’t mind catching the bus to work early in the morning.

It’s quiet, most of my fellow bus commuters are either asleep or on their phones or pretending to sleep so they don’t have to talk to the  person they’re sitting next to.

That’s fine with me.

But at my bus stop there is this person who thinks, I kid you not, that I am mentally disabled.

She’s mentioned it to the other people- who are actually friends of mine from the neighborhood  that ” The ” brown lady ”  is nice but sort of-” and then she taps the side of her head and says ” not very bright.”

I had noticed she’ll ask me a question and then answer it before I’m done. She talks really loud and slow and if anyone asks me a question directly she’ll answer it.

I couldn’t figure out what was going on, but my next door neighbor told me because she was going on about my obvious lack of intelligence and they were creeped out by it.

Eventually they stated getting to the stop just before the bus showed up to avoid talking to her.

That’s why, I learned I was alone with her so much.

So that’s usually the first person I see when I leave the house in the morning. She’s the first person I have to say ” hello” and ” good morning ” to.

A person who thinks I’m mentally retarded and will tell anyone who will listen to about the Retarded Lady she catches the bus with.

Beat that world.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Teach Your (Bloggers) Well

We all know how to do something well — write a post that teaches readers how to do something you know and/or love to do.

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It’s not something I like to do.

But I do it very well.

The down side is,  if there’s a Hell for people who kill innocent houseplants, I’m going there one day and there ain’t no saving me from it.

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It wouldn’t be so bad if I had stopped at the first Venus Fly trap and Jade plants I murdered, but I went out and continued  to buy one after the other and in no time at all they’d be dead.

I’m a serial plant killer.

I had certain kinds of plants I’d prefer and never bought any other kind and I even escalated, got sloppy and I’d go to a nursery and buy a random plant- sometimes a couple of them and in a month they’d be gone.

I hid their remains in a compost heap and they’d end up in my Herb Garden.

My Herb Garden not only thrived- at one point it took over most of the front yard. I suspect my Herb Garden was like my partner in crime.

And it benefitted from my bad behavior.

No doubt about that.

I never harvested anything from that garden.

Had I cut any of those plants I’m sure that it would NOT have been appreciated.

I’m sure that would have cost me.

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Do I really want you to do what I do?

Go out and kill innocent house plants?

No, of course I don’t want that but I can’t stop you from trying.

Just do me and my Herb Garden a favor.

Stay out of our yards and we’ll stay out of yours.

We don’t need the competition.

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