Linda G Hill’s  Prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “Growth.” 

Over the past year I have learned somethings about myself- because when you are in lockdown you can either make it an effort to learn something  new everyday or you can hang around in your favorite fleece ( pajamas ) outfits and curse people out on facebook all day long.

I chose to learn, not because I like learning but I hate facebook so there is that.

This is what I learned.

I learned who my friends are. I learned that there are people in my life who care about me and that there are  ( were ) people in my life who literally did not care if I died. I mean it. Died as in wrapped in plastic and laying on a shelf in a morgue.

The beauty of it is, they’ve been popping up in my stories here and the people I really found myself thoroughly  disgusted with starred my highest traffic stories.

I also learned that my Christmas card list this year is going to be a lot shorter so I will save on postage . Actually I consider that a big effing PLUS because now I can buy fancier ( more expensive ) cards.

I guess I owe them some thanks.

Thank you .

I’ve also learned that going to the Symphony was a bigger deal to me then I realized.

Every season I’d buy my tickets, I’d buy new outfits, I’d go out of dinner and then I would go shopping and expand my CD collection because I’d go to the lectures before the performances and that was a great place to pick up info on composers who  influenced the music I was about to hear that night.

It was just something I did because I loved that entire experience.

What I learned was at the heart of it, what I actually enjoyed was that moment the  lights went down and the audience and the musicians took a collective breath and with that first note it felt like we were being lifted up and that we flew away- together.

It was magical.

That is what I actually loved and what I actually loved- that one little moment.

I can’t say that over the year I blossomed and found inner peace and that I only eat organic food now ( though I did stop eating beef  ). Much like the two faced jerks I let wander around my life like dandelion  floating across a well groomed lawn, I learned that beef wasn’t really necessary  plus it’s expensive and  cost me a lot.

There are seven more months left in this year and it would be a safe guess to say I just want to get it over with.

But what I learned after having 2020 stolen from a lot of us- and the previous three before it for the rest of us is this:

I’m sorry I gritted my teeth and just powered through them. I wish I had lived them more fully.

I won’t make that mistake again, I consider it a lesson learned.

In that, I have grown.