Exploding Birds

RDP Thursday: FURPHY

Blue-breasted Fairy-wren, Malurus pulcherrimus, from Gould’s The birds of Australia
Chesek, Craig

Years and years ago I was thumbing through a Bridal magazine and stamped on a pull out insert with birds  winging around the page with ribbons in their beaks was a Do and Don’t list for your Wedding Reception plans.

On the list in fancy script was a warning about not throwing rice because birds might eat the uncooked rice and it would swell up in their bellies and kill them- what bride would want the death of birds on her hands? What would all of those Disney Princesses who’s  dresses we still riff on to this day say? Especially Snow White and Cinderella?

So for the love of God- don’t throw rice!

I remember some of my friends taking that very seriously and insisted we throw flower petals or confetti instead.

I had no idea that those little tiny birdy bodies ran hot enough to cook rice and when I brought it up, one of my friends who used to cheat off of my papers in Science Class told me it was true and that everybody knew it.

I was a little insulted. Science and Biology were my best classes and the lowest grade I ever got was an A-. I guess she didn’t learn anything from all of  my hard work.

Darn it.

But let’s not be hard on my friend. Some reception halls had that written into their contracts. No rice throwing. Not because it was a mess but it was ” a danger to wildlife ”

In a world where birds explode if they eat uncooked rice,  I guess that if we ever found ourselves in a Jurassic Park situation, all we would have to do is scatter piles of uncooked rice mixed with whatever dinosaurs like to eat and kaboom- exploding dinosaurs.

Birds as you know, belong to the dinosaur family tree so I’m pretty sure this plan is true and it would work-and that’s no furphy.


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