I’ve learned some valuable things about the world from being a Mortician and writing Horror Stories.
Here are a few of them:
Dead men do tell tales, they tell them all of the time.
You just have to be willing to listen.
Horror Stories are like Love Stories minus the pretense.
I hate The Lord of the Ring Movies…I’d rather watch a Twilight ( the tween Vampire movies ) Marathon then sit the Lord Of The Ring Movies. I’d rather shove a fork in my eye. There’s no reason for that to be on this list. I just felt like putting that here.
When you’re embalming bodies you get super thirsty. So drink a lot of water before you embalm. I’m not kidding.
When I write a story about Death, or The Devil or Cannibals I get my best ideas after watching shows like Cake Wars or Chopped because the contestants on those shows would take their Moms down for that Ten Thousand Dollar prize.
Never, ever write about the Dead if you have a funeral background. It’s unseemly.
The living are fair game.
I’m sorry, but I’ve learned this to be true: If you’re writing a horror story and you’re not laughing I’d say you’re not connecting with your writing. How can I say that? Come on. You’re getting away with murder or something anti-social or wicked
Even if it’s just in your head.
It’s enough to make one positively giddy.
I listen to Tom Waits before I write. Sometimes ABBA. Does that surprise you? That’s probably why I can do the same when I write.