Tea With Miss Venka

Unexpected Guests

You walk into your home to find a couple you don’t know sitting in your living room, eating a slice of cake. Tell us what happens next.


” Miss Venka! “

The middle aged couple- were both as pale and watery as the sunlight that was filtering through my somewhat clean windows and into my small cool sparsely furnished sitting room.

I didn’t use it often because I don’t do much entertaining.


He rose from the settee and put his slice of cake- I noted with dismay-  on the end table to his right.

She stood and did the same to her slice of cake.

The portrait that hung behind them looked down in disapproval.

Then the tall thin watery couple both reached out to me with their pale bony hands and smiled, ” It’s so good to meet you at last Miss Venka ” they both said together.

” I see you enjoyed the cake- ” I waited for them to introduce themselves.

” Oh. Pardon us. Britta.” The woman said with tears lighting up her eyes ” Britta and Rasmus Rundstrom.”

 ” We hope you don’t mind . The man who answered the door invited us in.  He told us to make ourselves at home. And then he left. Just like that. Well, we saw that delicious cake and the plates and forks.” Rasmus began the thought and then Britta finished it:

” We honestly couldn’t help ourselves.”

I sighed and shrugged. ” It’s fine really” I said not meaning it.

Our compliments to the baker Miss Venka.” Rasmus said ignoring the ice in my voice.” It was quite delicious.”

I ignored his compliment.

“That was my Father at the door. That Devil. He should have offered you some tea and almond cookies instead of leaving you with just that cake. It’s terribly sweet. The cookies would have been better.”

They didn’t say a word. They stood there expectantly.

” They’re imported.” I added. ” They’re quite good.”

I walked over to the sideboard where my now butchered cake was sitting.

I took up the cake knife and wiped it clean on a napkin.

” So what do I owe the pleasure of this nice…” I looked down at my cut up cake and sighed. ” Visit.”

” We’ve heard that you are a wonderful baker Miss Venka. Your sweets and pastries and cakes are famous.

I was confused. ” Famous for what?”

” From what we’ve tasted, it’s true.” Rasmus went back to the table and picked up his slice of cake.

He plunged his fork into this partially eaten slice and took another bite.

I winced.

” It so sweet it touches your soul. It overwhelms your senses…” he sang out.

I stopped him before he went over the edge and lost his sanity.

” Thank you. I took the plate from him and sat it down on the little table. ” But I don’t cater events. I don’t  bake for other people.”

” We can’t persuade you?” Britta asked. ” Are you sure? Money is no object and we are having a very important party. Your cake, it would be the highlight of the evening.”

” Very sure. I’m sorry. But my answer is no.” I said.

” I’ve never tasted anything so fine. It touched my soul Miss Venka. Truly. It’s the finest cake I have ever tasted.”

I thanked my guests and saw them out.

Then I went to the kitchen, which is light green and empty all but for a set of knives hanging from the wall and a single chair in the middle of the room.

I walked to the back of the kitchen and opened the door that led down into the basement.

” That was my favorite cake!” I yelled down into the darkness.

The door pulled itself out of my hand and slammed shut with a bang.

I walked back into my sitting room, which was dark now and a little chilly.

There were two new soulfully delicious cakes sitting next to my beautiful cake which fully restored to its uncut state.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes in relief.

I wondered when Mr and Mrs Rundstrom would be back, begging for more cake. I wondered if they would ever figure out why they, like the others would say they’d be willing to give up their souls to the Devil himself for another bite.

And my Father who lives in my basement would take them up on that deal.

He collects souls the way other people collect stamps.

Of course. I don’t collect souls.

I dabbed a little frosting from one of the new cakes on the tip of my finger and touched it to my tongue.

I closed my eyes and swooned a little.

I put them to better use than that.


Just Sign Here


New Year’s Resolutions.

I make New Year’s Resolutions every year-only two.

One is to have more fun then I did the year before:


That’s an easy one, as I get older it’s easier to have fun.

 I’m not as concerned about trivial things like how big my butt is or what I look like when I cry or about being right about anything.

Do you know what a carbon footprint is? It’s basically the damage you do to the environment and the idea is not to leave any footprint behind.

I intend to leave behind a trail of fun that will scorch a trail across the face of the Earth.

Enviros will hate me until the day the Sun turns into a Red Giant and burns the Earth to a crisp for what I did to the Earth.

However, on that day the  Earth will melt and then get fried. At that point in time any of the stupid things I did for a laugh won’t matter so…

What the Hell.


My second Resolution is to Write more.

 I clear that one every year because I’m afraid of going Robert Johnson in desperation

robert j

Legend says Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil at a crossroads to achieve success.

In those  Deals you get screwed, so Johnson got famous…after he died.

I know, what a burn right?

By the way, I don’t believe that legend at all. Johnson was a great musician and giving the Devil credit for his talent is like saying Aliens built the pyramids.

My point- and I do have one, is that writing means so much to me that I’m afraid if I don’t work at it and become the writer I’ve wanted to be since I was 9 years old I could get a little desperate and end up at the Crossroads myself.


There they are in all their glory

 My New Year’s



I know, I know.

New Year’s Resolutions get a bad rap because we promise to do things at the beginning of the New Year and most of the time it doesn’t work out.

The thing of it is, when we don’t follow through on those promises doesn’t matter. Who remembers what you said on one night in a roomful of other people who are all talking about themselves?

That’s right.

So I’m all for adding the fear factor into the deal.

If you’re serious maybe you should up the stakes, sign on the dotted line and strike a bargain.

It’s an option- so legend says.

Or you could keep  your word to yourself.

Choose one.

And have a Happy New Year.