The Legend Of The Hairy Eyeball

Childhood Revisited

What is your earliest memory? Describe it in detail, and tell us why you think that experience was the one to stick with you.

One of my earliest memories involves my eyeball.

Well both of them.

We got into a lot of trouble back in our young day.



When I was about four I had apparently mastered the art of  the infamous ” Hairy Eyeball.”

I would get into more trouble for the hairy eyeball  then I did for anything I ever said- and I was quite the verbal little creature.

So here it is:


I would drop the hairy eyeball the same way other people dropped the ” F ” bomb. I used it all the time. I over used it. I would actually practice it in my Mom’s dressing table mirror.

Everyone hated my Hairy Eyeball- except for me and possibly one or two of my Grandma’s canefield cats.

The rest of the cats, other small children and people with weak hearts hated that look.

Blah, blah, blah.

My Dad used to say my face was going to freeze like that in the hope  the threat of that happening would break me of the habit.

His Father pointed out that would probably suit me just fine.

Which was true.

I learned learned the art of the Hairy Eyeball from the Master… she could do the Hairy Eyeball like nobody’s business.

I envy her skill to this day… so who taught it to me?

My Grandmother:


I still use the Hairy Eyeball to this day.

It’s brilliant.

I don’t have to yell or swear or turn into a drama queen and wave my hands around. I don’t have to slam back a few drinks to ‘settle nerves or ratchet them up. I don’t have to suck on a cigarette ( I don’t smoke anyway ) and shoot those little jets of smoke out of my nose or from between my teeth like a Ninja Dragon.

I just give them the  Hairy Eyeball


And one day I hope to pass that skill along to my future Grandchildren.

Until then…its mine ALL mine.

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