And The Horse You Rode In On


My reaction to her news surprised me, it was unexpected. It came out of nowhere.

My friend sent me a picture of herself getting her Covid-19 shot.

She sent me a picture of her vaccination card.

She sent me a video message where she was weeping and thanking the scientists who created the vaccine, the people  who gave it to her and at the end she clasps her hands together and she looks into the camera and says, ” Wow. How awesome is this? I get to live!”

Her cat was in the video with her.  She picked it up. Kissed it and waved it’s paw at me and said, ” Yay!”

I wrote her back.

I  congratulated her, I said I was happy that she had something to fight this horrible virus with. I told her I wasn’t eligible for the vaccine at this time. According to our DOH I won’t be eligible soon, but all I can do is be patient and wait my turn.

She sent me back a message that said, ” I’m sure you’ll be fine. If you get sick they have room in the hospitals now. She ended her message with that emoji where the face is hugging itself.

Like I said my reaction was unexpected.

I felt angry.

I’m angry because my friend told me, even if it was in jest that she gets to live and in that jest she said without thinking that she was also saying I might not.

On the other hand, she might have been so relieved to be in the clear she wasn’t really thinking about asking someone still fighting in the trenches, where the war is still raging, to do a victory dance with her.

I really do understand that, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

I’m angry, but I’m to tired to be mad.


The Little Trooper

Linda G Hill’s  prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is Run.

(Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.)

When I was about seven years old  I belonged to this group called The Bluebirds. I think they had something to do with the Girl Scouts or something. Anyway, I wanted to join because they did crafts and went on field trips and you got to earn badges.

My parents  probably had their doubts about me and other kids in that kind of activity  because in dog training language I was not what you would call ‘socialized’  but they let me join up and once a week I went to meetings and indeed we did get to do crafts and nature projects and as I sucked at every single thing we did.

I failed at macaroni art, I failed at sandwich making, I failed at group activities like singing because I could not remember the words. Plus, I couldn’t sing.  It was pretty bad and the worse thing was I knew I was hopeless at everything we did,  but I really did think I’d get it together and one of my ‘tasks’ would be stellar.

My troop leader did recognize my enthusiasm so she helped me fix some of the train wrecks I was supposed to work on and I got my little badges. I taped them to my wall because I didn’t realized we were supposed to sew them on our vests.

I was quite the little Trooper.

In case you are wondering, no I wasn’t accepted into this my troop and the only friend I had in there was a girl whose brother who went to jail for stealing cars.

Her Dad used to get drunk and drove around on the school playground on his dirt bike ( sometimes during school hours ) and her Mom used to get into fist fights at the bar in town on Fridays.

Every single Friday.

But at least her art projects didn’t look like accidents and she could carry a tune. Plus if anyone gave her a hard time she’d egg your house or steal your toys and leave them in the middle of the road for cars to run over.

Yeah. We actually still are friends- anyway-

I was a creep. I was the one and only Bluebird Troop creep. To bad they didn’t give out badges for that one because I’d have nailed that baby.

So one day I’m walking behind some of the girls in my troop and one turns around and looks at me. I honestly thought they were going tell me to catch up and I’d walk with them.

Instead this girl says, ” Hey. It was your turn to bring treats. ”

I stood there and then I said, ” I forgot. ”

” Well go home and tell your Mom you need to bring treats. It’s your turn! Go on! Shoo! Run! Go home and get the treats, it’s your turn. ” then she leaned down, picked up a rock and threw it at me- she was a good shot. It’ got me right above the eye and it made my ears ring.

They turned around and walked up the block and I turned around and I wanted  to run, but my ears were ringing and I was a little dizzy. Besides. I wasn’t sure where to run too. Home? Where there were no treats to bring to my Troop? Was that even an option?

When I got home I sort of wandered into our house and my Dad was sitting on the couch watching TV.

By then my eye was black and my hair was it’s usual messy tangled mess. My face was probably dirty too. In other words I looked the same as always.  Finally I told him. ” I want to quit Bluebirds. ”

”  I don’t know why you wanted to join in the first place. ”

Like I said, I wanted to run but I didn’t because I had no where to run too.