Local Writer Creates Most Sucky Poem Ever

Ripped Into the Headline

Write about something that happened over the weekend as though it’s the top story on your local paper.

It’s debateable- did a local writer simply write a very bad poem or as a neighbor to the 51 year old author pointed out,

” She used to fall out of trees a lot when we were kids. I think she was bound to write a train wreck like this sooner or later.”

The author says:” It wasn’t one of  my better moments, but all in all the way poets reacted was pretty darn funny. In fact I’d go as far as to say they have inspired me.”

“Will the writer attempt poetry again?” we asked.

” As long as there are Mojitos and cupcakes in the world I can’t rule it out.”

Terrace Police have recently confirmed to this reporter that the Writer’s life has been threatened.

” I’d take it more seriously but you know, when I heard that poetry group in Bothell actually tried to hire someone to kill me I actually wrote a few more poems and will be releasing them in the future.

They’re about about Funions and Pop Tarts and contract killers.

One local poet pointed out, ” it doesn’t even rhyme and who the hell writes a poem comparing cupcakes to passion? “

The local Terrace writer responded with, ” I was comparing them to boobs. But I know the poet you were talking to and I don’t think he’s seen a woman’s breast since he was weaned. So one can see how he’d miss that point.”

What follows is the ‘poem’.


My passion for you burns hot hot hot

Like a perfect breast sweet delicate cakes

stand proudly upon a plate trimmed in lace

eagerly waiting to feed

my love

my desire

my hunger



Recently the author has released a poem about Peanut  Butter Sandwiches. Local Poetry groups from Brier, Bothell and Woodinville ( Residents of Terrace have given the writer a key to the city and she’s going to be the Grand Marshall in their Parade this summer) are demanding their State Legislators do something about the Mountlake Terrace Writer before she strikes again- which should be in about three hours.



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